Leaning on the Lord

Today was such a mixed day.
I felt like I wanted to pout and cry and after about 3pm crawl into my bed just like a beetle under a rock. I kept going throughout the day with the thought that I had the Vday party to go to. It was canceled because of weather. My school was brushed aside priority wise in my mind due to other consuming thoughts and household stuff. I still feel like a dark abstract painting inside--hard to figure out exactly what the point of it is. It's just a big mess of color & yet you know it has a purpose; you know it's a piece of art whether you understand it or even like it. In all of that, I couldnt completely stop and be a beetle. I couldnt justify it. Everytime I wanted too, something positive came into my path and spurred me into doing some work. I didnt become Miss Diligence and get tons of work done, but I didnt let the day be a complete failure either.

I said to Mum today, "Sometimes I wish I could just stop doing school. And stop worrying about doing it. and getting it done. Completely stop. Or maybe not stop the learning, but take away all the stress and organization from it." Mum's response was, "Seems easy enough to me. Just stop worrying. Why are you worrying over it in the first place?" My thought isnt realistic really...

It snowed today. tons! I have been wishing for snow and the Lord knows how much I enjoy seeing it. I didnt play in it though...remember the wanting to crawl into bed feeling?

I was doing algebra homework and decided to listen to a Hillsong cd that had a nice coating of dust on it before I snapped it into my cd player. At this moment I forget what song came on, but I just closed my eyes and lifted my hands to the Lord. The song just rushed over me and in the middle of math homework--I was worshipping. I was comforted in realizing that the Lord knows how I am feeling right now and understands my heart so much deeper and better than I do.

I've still got biology reading to day. And an entire chapter on the Protestant Reformation to read in history. I've got to read six pages in my speech book. I've got to read all I can possibly absorb in my literature anthology. I've got to finish my current event essay. I have a test in the next few days in both Bible and history. The cherry on top is my creation science research. That's not meant to be a complaint--just an assessment.

I didnt work hard today on my schoolwork. I just squeaked and slid through the day. That's the honest truth. I wasnt focused. I need blinders like a horse in order to do that. On a positive note, I did make some creative strides. I made a beautiful yet quirky paper rose and made progress on the little felt robot dudes I am making for Steve and Dave. I've got to remember to take pictures on my projects. I want to compile a portfolio eventually. I give people gifts all the time and forget to document it through photography for myself.

Isaiah 40:17-20

When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the LORD will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them. I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water. I will plant in the wilderness the cedar, the shittah tree, and the myrtle, and the oil tree; I will set in the desert the fir tree, and the pine, and the box tree together: That they may see, and know, and consider, and understand together, that the hand of the LORD hath done this, and the Holy One of Israel hath created it.

that's a good thought...