Project Ideas & Gratitude

New thought on the school front: What should I do for a senior project?

The few people I've asked this week responded with "What are your guidelines?" and the word "fundraising" came up a few times. I'm honestly quite content with having fundraised for the pregnancy center (and hopefully again next year) and though volunteering is a possibility, I've got a good amount going in that realm already through church-related activities. Being home-schooled, there are no guidelines, at least I don't think there should be.

An extended photography project or collection was immediately what came to mind; but I'm still thinking. 

God has been providing conversations lately with folks who have experience and a Biblical viewpoint on different majors or schools I have interest in. To hear information from a source other than a website, book or college-sponsored event is priceless. Each person has been apart of guess what- the local church. I know my parents are grateful and so am I. 
Thanks Lord!

Looking at Our House

We were in the neighborhood having visited Dad's parents after lunch and then stopped quickly to grab & give a hug to dad's brother and our cousin.

"Hey Dad, go past the house."
"Okay, but nobody get weird or anything."
"We've got to stop and see them [the neighbors]. They've got to be home. Let's surprise them!" said Mum.

It was a lovely, lovely visit. Our families hadn't seen each other since the tearful night before and actual November moving day.  Just to talk and laugh, we always do! To be someplace completely familiar, in a house that I've been familiar with since I could walk and even before, to be with people who were so much like family and always right next door. The words sweet and precious come to mind. We actually opened our Christmas presents... Many dates had been set to get together, but it hadn't happened. There we were today and there the presents had been for months. Theirs are still in our dining room. 

This is the point of the story where a slight correction is needed. The post title should read: Looking at what was our house... felt really, really odd. Mum & Dad admitted the same. We'd driven past at Thanksgiving then Christmas and seen it barren of decorations, but today was different. We were outside of the car, walking around, up to our neighbors house. Everything seemed more personal. I had an urge several times to just go over, run in the yard, swing open the shed or walk up the front steps. I even wanted to go up to the door, ring the bell and just say, "I used to live here. Yay! How do you like it? 'cause I loved it completely." My parents joked the reply would be, "And...so...what?"

I wanted to do what I'd done everyday since I was born; but I didn't. I couldn't. None of it was mine anymore. In fact, some of it was even gone. Our hand prints and names were all in the cement holding down the blue, green and white striped swing set. They had taken it down- no kids. The red chinese maple with our names carved in it was huge. I used to sit under that tree for hours, talking to myself, dreaming and playing with rocks, flowers, grass, sticks, reading books. One of my dad's business signs was hidden under the lattice of the steps. I wonder why he left it... 

I wonder if they noticed any of the things we left behind: the writing in the crawl spaces, did they read the gospel verse?! The above mentioned hand-prints and carvings, the windows cut into the side of the shed from when it was our playhouse, the height markings on the basement closet doorway, the footprints pressed in the garage floor. The footprints weren't ours, but we always liked them. I know the holes from our homemade basketball hoop have to still be in the brick of the house on the deck... but they'll never see them. Of course, who would? Yet, I know they're there. That house has us all over it. My dad did so much work... and it was all beautiful. I'm not sure if I appreciated or saw it before, maybe. I know I did today.

There was a plastic duck on the porch. A plastic duck... oh my. Plastic ducks (you know, the kind that can be dressed for any and all seasons) aren't, well, I just never imagined a plastic duck sitting on that front porch. I know, they're kitsch... but not in a good way for me. They're not bad, just make me wince then laugh. Kevin thought of all kinds of funny things they could have done to the inside, and some not so funny things actually. I laughed at them all when he was talking though.

Hopefully the members of the family who owned the house we bought will drive by. But I want them to come in, say hello, to say as I wanted to say this afternoon, "I lived here. I loved this house. It meant something to me and was part of my life. Here's why..." To play a record on the turntable even! A house is just a house; but still, some houses are homes. This is now our home, but it was someone else's too. That seems to mean something in my mind. It just doesn't seem right not to know who lived here and what these rooms meant to them; or for the people with the plastic duck not to know who we were/are. It could be that I'm asking for too much information and I really don't want to know all that... possibly.

Moving is something I'll remember as a part of the transition from being a kid to a young adult/teenager. I feel like today was a "growing up" day. I couldn't change the fact that the old house now belonged to someone else*, someone I don't know, or that they most likely would never know about me, my family or the consequential moments for us at that very address. The moments remain; the location has changed. Reality wasn't harsh but was firm, kinda stark, yet sprinkled with joy. 

It's life.

As I wrote on the rafters:

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." -Job 1:21

& guess what - the Lord gave again and continues to give. 

*The flip-side is that we now have a wonderful new house which is appreciated and loved!

A Little More Music

This played on one of my favorite mixed CDs as we drove home from my softball game tonight, which we won 5-4. Three of us did the wave a bunch of times while playing "left bench" for an inning. f-u-n.

This week could have been horrible, grueling and painful. It hasn't been, and I can't post without acknowledging that God has been continually showing Himself present whether through Sunday at church, beautiful natural surroundings, songs, or scripture. It's been hard, prayerful & tearful. It's not near over, but God is good.

You’re in too deep...
He hasn’t left you out to dry
Even Now
You haven’t left His watching eye
Even Now
So children sing it when you don’t see how
My Father’s worthy of my hope
Even now

You’re wondering if you heard Him wrong
If he’s listening

The same old fear, the same old haze
Is God not here?
Is His hand raised?

Could this be part of any good plan?

When your tunnel’s still dark at the end
Even Now
His children don’t know why but trust their Father’s at their side
So hold His hand, hold up your hope
Even now

The Consequences of Love

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.

1 John 4

Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure... for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 

1 John 3

Your mercies crown our lives all our days

River of Life quench our thirsty souls

For no true delight does Your love withhold

And in every season

We are satisfied for just one reason

Christ was crucified

Through the Precious Blood, Come Weary Saints

Duos Cancion

These selections are totally different from each other, but are two recent favorites & worth sharing. The parents are also currently enjoying the first. Just last night Dad really connected with it in what he said turned out to be a momentous night of being close to God. 

Mercy Me, Word of God Speak

lyrics listen  

Emily Jane White, Time on Your Side

small disclaimer: If you come across something odd or weird related to this 

indie artist, even other songs of hers, as of this posting, my knowledge extends no further than having enjoyed this particular song. I'm not really understanding the design of the album cover artwork.

lyrics personal site 

Note: itunes can give away some really icky free songs, but also some great ones. Time on Your Side was the latter in my opinion.

Completion

The week of the paper has gone. I survived. 

It's looooong. 

Alot of people have trouble writing enough words to meet a requirement. I deal with the opposite--writing too many--and it truly isn't any better of a situation. It's not a masterpiece and I could definitely use a teacher's help in proofing it sometime. I like it though and am thankful for the grace I can see poured out over every page written.

Race and the Gospel

A Favorite Blog- Go Read It!

Some recent posts:

• On the topic of evangelism. 
  
• This post down to the very scriptures fits right in with who and where I have been for the past months and still am, I think. 
  

photo credit The Rebelution & Forthright Fixation

Chinese Rice. The Kennedys & One Precious 'I love You'

I had a slight skip in my walk and I was humming around the kitchen from the refrigerator to counter to the other counter space. Rice left over from chinese takeout two night ago went right into the microwave, set for 1 minute. Thoughts during the above procession included calculating how much of my first draft I had left to type out, how many hours it would take me, whether I might be able to go to softball practice and oh, ya, how am I going to fit in the math test I have to take? Amazing how rapidly the brain travels from one thing to the next. I peered around the cabinets and through the window of the kitchen and back room- hey it's spring out there! I could see that irresistable sunshine that I knew I had to resist. Soon enough... summer.

I remembered a friend recently remembering how in elementary school she would be finished with schoolwork at 11am and go "trampling" and exploring outside all day. "It was like two and a half years of vacation." Hmm. Ya, those years were great for me too- all the field trips, we went everywhere. All the art projects- art was transcendent throughout every other subject. Oh those projects where we painted to classical music... The littlest came out of the bedroom and with that same skip in his step I had moments before, came into the kitchen. "Hey, did you guys buy that outfit (new swimming trunks and a surf shirt) yesterday?" I got a huge hug and heard, "I love you. I love you so much." 

The moment passed. The microwave had gone off in the midst of it and so I got out my rice and headed back to my laptop and paper on the Kennedy family. 

Homeschooling's my thing. And all the why in the world is in this story.

Delay no Longer

Every blossoming flower warns you that it is time to seek the Lord; be not out of tune with nature, but let your heart bud and bloom with holy desires. Do you tell me that the warm blood of youth leaps in your veins? I entreat you, give your vigour to the Lord. It was my unspeakable happiness to be called in early youth, and I could fain praise the Lord every day for it. Salvation is priceless... but oh! an early salvation has a double value in it. Young men and maidens, since you may perish ere you reach your prime, "It is time to seek the Lord." ...Let me entreat and implore you to delay no longer. "It is time to seek the Lord." ...Slight not that work, it may be your last call from destruction, the final syllable from your lips.

- Charles Spurgeon 

Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness upon you. 

-Hosea 10:12

Amy Carmichael on Prayer

The following is taken from Amy Carmichael: A Life Abandoned to God.

1. Don't get into bondage about place, or position of the body... sometimes, at least, [Our Lord] went into the open air to a hillside; to a garden... I have known some who could kneel hours by a chair, some walking up and down. Some go into their rooms and shut the door... Let the leaning of your mind lead you, a God-directed mind leans to what helps the spirit most. 
2. Don't be discouraged if at first you seem to get nowhwere... no command in the Bible [is] so difficult as to obey and so penetrating in power... [as] "Be still and know that I am God." Many have found this so... 
3. Dont feel it is necessary to pray all the time; listen... and read the Words of Life. Let them enter into you.
4. Dont forget there is one other person interested in you-- extremely interested... there is no truer word than the old couplet: Satan trembles when he sees The weakest saint upon his knees. 
5. Dont give up in despair if no thoughts and no words come, but only distractions and inward confusions. Often it helps to use the words of others...Psalm, hymn, song-- use what helps most.
6. Dont worry if you fall asleep. "He giveth unto His beloved in sleep."
7. And if the day ends in what seems failure, don't fret. Tell Him you're sorry. Even so, don't be discouraged. All discouragement is of the devil.

• We don't need to explain to our Father things that are known to Him.
• We don't need to press Him, as if we had to deal with an unwilling God.
• We don't need to suggest to Him what to do, for he Himself knows what to do.

"She noted 'the gates of access into the Father's presence are open continually. There is no need to push-- perhaps 'trying to pray' is sometimes a sort of pushing."

"There are many in our family who come to prayer meetings because it is the custom to do so, but who are not urged by a great desire. It is the lack of prayer-hunger that often makes a big united meeting difficult."

Do I have a "hunger" to pray? 

To come together with others to pray?

There were two separate instances in the book that stood out on pages near the above instructions of time set apart for prayer: "For two hours they prayed and sang--two minutes it seemed to Amy-- before a messenger came to tell them the result of the operation. ...The council requested three solid hours of prayer [for Amy's health to improve] by the Fellowship."

"Have we any prayer like 'use me, O Lord' in the Bible?... [No] I could not find any such prayer...[I] find every other verb occurring in prayer-- teach me, lead me, bless me, and so on-- but not this verb which we would naturally expect... The Captain will use the soldier if he be prepared for use; words of beseeching on the soldier's part are not required..."

This Post Should Have a Picture In it But Doesnt

I missed an amazing, and I mean amazing sunset a few nights ago. Didn't see a hint of it. And our yard has such a perfect view too. Thinking about it now sorta made me sad... Am I missing other things? Maybe I'm just seeing different events with a different perspective and not actually missing out.

Spring came so fast. I was completely unprepared for Easter. I heard that it came "as early as possible" this year though and that was a comfort- there was actually science behind my feeling behind.

I'm mentally gearing up for this week and seriously need to stop talking about it and just do what I need to do. I've gotten myself in a schoolwork hole (more like canyon but looking on the bright side never hurt anyone) and it's either climb out or, well, climb out. The consequences seem too big, mean and bad right now to spend any more than 10 seconds thinking about them. Inconceivable. 

AHHHHHH!

This too shall pass. This week will soon be over. 

May 9th will soon be history. hah. bad pun, not on purpose. May 9th is the APUSH exam day.

 It's getting there that's gonna be interesting. I know it'll all be over before I know it, but how is getting there gonna look? What is life if its not interesting though?

But I am so frequently looking towards the end of an assignment, the end of school, the end of this so that can start. And I dislike so much what that does to all the process, the middle, the good stuff. 

Joy in the Morning

I spent an entire hour in bed this morning. I ended up getting out of bed an hour later than I was supposed to because of it, something which as I type it I am thinking "gee way to go girl you once again failed to get up at the time you were supposed to!" BUT this morning seemed different. I was okay with laying in bed later because I was happy.

I laid with two warm blankets keeping me warm and several stuffies keeping me company. I happen to have much affection for all those items; they've been with me for years. I wandered in and out of dreams. All I can remember is that they were seemingly pleasant. My alarm, which I also have affection for, despite its purpose of which my opinion wavers, went off abruptly several times. It has the coolest snooze button basically ever, or at least that I've ever had. My dad noticed it happily resting on my nightstand once, adding general flair to my room and noted, "that thing is ancient." I like old clocks... they seem to have stood the test of time.

 *clears throat from making a pretty sad little joke*

I woke up and felt springy! Not exactly as in the season, but as in a metal coiled object. The littlest guy was camped out on my floor. There were books stacked around my nightstand creating what seemed to be some sort of fortress or defense system, protection from what I dont know. A big pile of clothes is stuffed in the corner. My beanbag is covered with the hangers that should be on the clothes. You cant see the top surface of my green dresser. My camera bag is right by the door. But as I went off down the hallway to brush my teeth I didnt see any of it, well, I didnt pay attention. I was feelin' good. When I saw my mom I grinned, teal braces & all. "Happy this morning?" was the reply.

I told myself yesterday that today I wasnt getting on my computer until I had to. Uh, that didnt happen. That's right up there with the not getting out of bed deal... Ah hah! Charlie. I watched a couple other baby videos. Laughter's good stuff.

Yesterday I had been eating dinner and watching of all things, Anastasia. I never saw the movie while I was a kid 'cause of the spooky, green parts which I still ffwd. The movie was over, I thought, and I went to unload the dishwasher. The middle little brother continued to watch the last few minutes and all of the sudden I heard him laughing incredibly hard, something I wish he did more of. 

Now that this blog post is mostly done though I think I'll wait to publish it, and its 10:21 AM I have schoolwork to do. When I sat down and opened my laptop about an hour ago, I prayed that my happiness and joy would stem from Christ, not my circumstances. Maybe I'm just working up this feeling of being uplifted and it'll fade away as soon as I start reading about the Kennedy family and planning my paper due next week. But oh Lord, please make or continue to sustain my joy in being true and based upon Your work of salvation and continued glorious involvement in my everyday.

Psalm 30

Psalm 51

Teal & Timing

this post sat in draft for awhile... but here it is!

Teal was the color of yesterday, and I suppose it will be for the next six weeks as well. The rubber bands aren't going anywhere, no matter how much I wish I could take (at moments rip) them off. My teeth are sore. Yesterday there was mainly just pressure, but today the pressure has increased and the nerves are all highly sensitive.

I didnt know that there was a country of the name Bohemia. 

Wikipedia is at times, not such a bad thing.

In photography, I'm learning to appreciate timing, waiting, and getting that shot. I guess that transfers to life right now too. Waiting, but with that same feeling that I get when I'm looking through my camera. Waiting with expectancy just to click that shutter, just to make those decisions, see opportunities, gain clarity. When I photograph, I can definitely get myself into a zone. In life right now, I'm with the Lord & He's with me. It's not a bad place to be. 

Three Days Late

Happy Pi Day.

3.14

My Daughter, My Child

As I went about one day last week, I found myself humming parts of the following Keith Green recording. I listened to the song and realized I was singing words meant to be spoken from God. The Lord met me in that moment... these words are His heart toward His children, toward me!

My son, My son, why are you striving
You can't add one thing to what's been done for you
I did it all while I was dying
Rest in your faith, my peace will come to you

My child, My child, why are you weeping
You will not have to wait forever
That day and that hour is in My keeping
The day I'll bring you into Heaven

For when I hear the praises start
My child, I want to rain upon you
Blessing that will fill your heart
I see no stain upon you
Because you are My child and you know me
To me you're only holy
Nothing that you've done remains
Only what you do in Me

My precious bride, the day is nearing
When I'll take you in My arms and hold you
I know there are so many things that you've been hearing
But you just hold on to what I have told you


I read Ps. 103 this morning. I was doing really well on committing the passage to memory. Usually I prefer the English Standard Version, but for Ps. 103, the wording found in my pocket New International Version couldnt have been better in relation to this song.

I will praise the Lord each morning, each moment of each day, for this: His unchanging heart of love, guidance and counsel toward me allowed by His work of salvation in me because of the substitution that took place on the cross.

"He let go of His Son so that He could hold on to us."

Note: the 'keith green recording' link goes to a youtube video of a cover for the song, but I liked the cover more than the video of the actual recording.

I've Been Getting Mail... lots of it.

I have this crate in the corner of the dining room. It's my mail crate, specifically mail from colleges who are "very eager to hear back" from me.  I find the attempts to speak like we're old friends in the quite generalized letters amusing to read through. There are two or three that are the size of half a newspaper sheet; one or two are the size of index cards. Postcards, business form letters, how to choose your major surveys, lists, timelines, creative graphics and photography and then the not so creative-- its all included. There are several stakes of envelopes inside the crate: high potential, might happen and not a chance.

• The high potential pamphlets or letters are from schools close to home and that appeal to me. There are a few that fill just one of the requirements instead of both, but on the whole, its got to be a double-whammy to make it into the high potential section.
• The might happen's are from schools which are close to home but I dont like as much or farther away (farther than I will go in reality) but that still are appealing. If I didnt have parents who cared where I went to school or if I could have a map picturing all of the schools possible to attend, I might put my figure down on one of them, maybe. 
• The not-a-chancers are the obscure, the distant and the where in the world is that town let alone the college in the town... or maybe the college pretty much is the life of the town? Minnesota, Michigan, California, Illinois, Dallas (Pennsylvania), Florida. We're not talking UCLA, here... ever heard of Pitzer College? 

Pensacola Christian Academy went from high potential to not-a-chance last year I think it was, so this isnt a caste system; and there are several schools which arent placed simply because I dont know how to view them. 

What the schools choose to boast about is always interesting:

• "The Great Book College...the college for readers, real readers." College can already have a tremendous reading load; can you imagine how it is there?
  
• "An extraordinary college...with a difference." Isnt something that's extraordinary already different from the ordinary?
  
• "Individuals. Inspired." I like that one... artsy.
  
• "It fits." The pamphlet is covered in pictures of shoes. 
  

John Cabot university didn't have an interesting slogan, but they're located in Rome, Italy so they're worth mentioning. American University in Washington, D.C., Shimer, and Barnard College of NYC win the award for best graphics and design. The front of Hillsdale College of Michigan's pamphlet was sweet in that it reminded me of the Yale website. One college had a bright yellow envelope with the one word in blue on the front: HELLO. 

Have I gotten a letter from "the one" yet? It dawned on me the other day that I have to pick one school. One. How does that choice happen? What if I make the wrong choice? And oh my, I'm so indecisive. The answer: God has chosen and I need to place confidence in His transcendent grace and omniscience in my life. Yes, I need to seek, but He is faithful even when I am not. He brings me back to working when I couldnt care less, when I say, "forget it all I'm gonna go be a Bohemian poet." Whatever happens in my life, I'm safe; I'm saved and accepted because Christ, in my place was forsaken by His Father on the cross. 

This isnt a post about a recent exciting happening, though I could have written about a few. This is a post about a part of my daily life at the moment, the joy of getting mail (even when it is related to schoolwork), recognizing the pleasant nature of humble things in life, and listening for words from God even when you're not hearing voices. 

I wish Ohio would have been a nice little state and shared. Their record snowfall from 1910 was beat by 5 and some inches. Some history- sweet!

I'll post about something other than the weather soon =P

Wall of Prayer

This is cool.
Nothing profound to say about it.
Read the post.

A Four Letter Word for what Makes Winter what it is

I heard a lady in the grocery store saying how much she had enjoyed this winter because of the small amount of snow we'd had and how much she would enjoy herself if we didnt get anymore. I felt bad for her.

Upon waking up today and looking out the dining room, the tops of the bushes were tufted with snow; yesterday what could be seen as dead grass and sticks with patches of slushy stuff was now a glorious, however many inches thick layer making the ground sparkling and bright.

The freshness of newly fallen snow is thoroughly enjoyable to me.

Winter without snow is like spring without crocuses, summer without sunshine. Snow is what makes winter go round. Not even considering all the activities it makes possible or more pleasant, it takes dreary, confined days (like yesterday) and makes them, well, white, bright, fresh and clean... sorta like detergent is supposed to do to laundry. Snow takes barren tree branches and crowns them, highlights them. The white fluffy stuff makes the whole area wherein it rests one big marshmallow-sweet land. If you take into account the marshmallows and the trees you might even say that the outdoors becomes one big fluffernutter. I know some people who would enjoy that analogy immensely. If you're not one of them, I apologize.

And so this morning- despite school looming over me and my having to fight spurts desiring to utterly forget about it all and just go do something else somewhere else, I am here at the table praying that God might increase and I might decrease... all the while enjoying the snow and hoping we see plenty more of it before spring blooms.