Looking at Our House

We were in the neighborhood having visited Dad's parents after lunch and then stopped quickly to grab & give a hug to dad's brother and our cousin.

"Hey Dad, go past the house."
"Okay, but nobody get weird or anything."
"We've got to stop and see them [the neighbors]. They've got to be home. Let's surprise them!" said Mum.

It was a lovely, lovely visit. Our families hadn't seen each other since the tearful night before and actual November moving day.  Just to talk and laugh, we always do! To be someplace completely familiar, in a house that I've been familiar with since I could walk and even before, to be with people who were so much like family and always right next door. The words sweet and precious come to mind. We actually opened our Christmas presents... Many dates had been set to get together, but it hadn't happened. There we were today and there the presents had been for months. Theirs are still in our dining room. 

This is the point of the story where a slight correction is needed. The post title should read: Looking at what was our house... felt really, really odd. Mum & Dad admitted the same. We'd driven past at Thanksgiving then Christmas and seen it barren of decorations, but today was different. We were outside of the car, walking around, up to our neighbors house. Everything seemed more personal. I had an urge several times to just go over, run in the yard, swing open the shed or walk up the front steps. I even wanted to go up to the door, ring the bell and just say, "I used to live here. Yay! How do you like it? 'cause I loved it completely." My parents joked the reply would be, "And...so...what?"

I wanted to do what I'd done everyday since I was born; but I didn't. I couldn't. None of it was mine anymore. In fact, some of it was even gone. Our hand prints and names were all in the cement holding down the blue, green and white striped swing set. They had taken it down- no kids. The red chinese maple with our names carved in it was huge. I used to sit under that tree for hours, talking to myself, dreaming and playing with rocks, flowers, grass, sticks, reading books. One of my dad's business signs was hidden under the lattice of the steps. I wonder why he left it... 

I wonder if they noticed any of the things we left behind: the writing in the crawl spaces, did they read the gospel verse?! The above mentioned hand-prints and carvings, the windows cut into the side of the shed from when it was our playhouse, the height markings on the basement closet doorway, the footprints pressed in the garage floor. The footprints weren't ours, but we always liked them. I know the holes from our homemade basketball hoop have to still be in the brick of the house on the deck... but they'll never see them. Of course, who would? Yet, I know they're there. That house has us all over it. My dad did so much work... and it was all beautiful. I'm not sure if I appreciated or saw it before, maybe. I know I did today.

There was a plastic duck on the porch. A plastic duck... oh my. Plastic ducks (you know, the kind that can be dressed for any and all seasons) aren't, well, I just never imagined a plastic duck sitting on that front porch. I know, they're kitsch... but not in a good way for me. They're not bad, just make me wince then laugh. Kevin thought of all kinds of funny things they could have done to the inside, and some not so funny things actually. I laughed at them all when he was talking though.

Hopefully the members of the family who owned the house we bought will drive by. But I want them to come in, say hello, to say as I wanted to say this afternoon, "I lived here. I loved this house. It meant something to me and was part of my life. Here's why..." To play a record on the turntable even! A house is just a house; but still, some houses are homes. This is now our home, but it was someone else's too. That seems to mean something in my mind. It just doesn't seem right not to know who lived here and what these rooms meant to them; or for the people with the plastic duck not to know who we were/are. It could be that I'm asking for too much information and I really don't want to know all that... possibly.

Moving is something I'll remember as a part of the transition from being a kid to a young adult/teenager. I feel like today was a "growing up" day. I couldn't change the fact that the old house now belonged to someone else*, someone I don't know, or that they most likely would never know about me, my family or the consequential moments for us at that very address. The moments remain; the location has changed. Reality wasn't harsh but was firm, kinda stark, yet sprinkled with joy. 

It's life.

As I wrote on the rafters:

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." -Job 1:21

& guess what - the Lord gave again and continues to give. 

*The flip-side is that we now have a wonderful new house which is appreciated and loved!

CG Party

It is in trials when we doubt two things- that God is near and that He is good...
How has God been near, and how has He been good this year?

{luminaries up to the house}

I was sitting on the floor in the middle of our livingroom. We'd just finished singing six or so Christmas carols... Christmas carols, in our livingroom. I dont think I can express what that meant & means to me. "Joy to the world the Lord has come"- that is why our family celebreates Christmas to begin with! It was a vivid reminder of the centrality of the word 'joy' in Christmas for us two years ago and last year. There I was feeling warm and comforted in the sort-a-center of forty-some people who were all singing those words.

Mr. T. talked about the past year and the trials he knew we had all come across, the changes: moving, a job, health-wise, financially. There is no way to sugar-coat a trial. It's a hard thing whatever it may be. I was however so refreshed yesterday to face the smaller daily trials I have with confidence. The Lord brought me and my family through the trials of the past and there we were having a Christmas party in our house. The result of the dominant trial of this year (moving. just see the many, many blog posts) resulted last night in a house full of people, talking, a house full of laughter, food, happiness and friendship. We've had alot of people in the house thus far, most of them being carpenters, plumbers, electricians. ;-) To have those we have come to love in the house was much better!

I couldnt be more happy with my white elephant present- a bicycle tire with green light strung around it. We have a pair of size eight sparkly pink shoes needed to relocate to another home.

Do be Do be Do

My lappy is connected.
I am enjoying streaming classical radio once again.
Vivaldi is quite fun to say.

I've not taken half as many pictures as I should have, though the video camera has been getting some attention. Boxes are not in the middle of the room any longer; they've found corners. The livingroom is quite livable as are the other rooms on the main floor. The basement is, but isnt. Lots of little things all around the house. We just past a total of 100 boxes unpacked and put on the curb. wowzers.

Unerring wisdom ordained your lot, and selected for you the safest and best condition... Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there... Be content with such things as you have, since the Lord has ordered all things for your good. Take up your daily cross; it is the burden best suited for your should, and will prove the most effective to make you perfect in every good word and work ot the glory of God. Down busy self, and proud impatience, it is not for you to choose, but the Lord of Love!

'Trials must and will befall-
But with humble faith to see
Love inscribed upon them all;
This is happiness to me.'

-Charles Spurgeon

Macro Update

Would post some random house pictures but am on the desktop; wireless signal still down for my lappy where within the pictures are cosily located.

We're in.

A reoccurring thought- comfort. Our old house was 20 yrs of accumulated comfort. This house is quite the opposite. The floors arent new; the bathrooms need redone- we had just finished doing that at the old house. oh the irony. New carpets came today! The backroom is being rebuilt- pint size. The kitchen appliances are ancient. The telephone and microwave are ancient and make the most shrill sounds. The garbage disposal is hilarious; it strains to work. Our stuff is still in boxes and shall remain for whoknows how long.

The above is not to be read in a downtrodden, slugglish or overall complaining way. It's a notation of differences that are daily being worked around.

My daily desire, as the Taylors prayed for us, is that this would become like home, not just a place. A lesson in patience.

We all came to the conclusion this week that leaving our old house was one the best things for us. We were too comfortable. If God had told us to leave, even for His gospel, we would have left yes, but made sure we could come back to it somehow. Such attachment! All has been taken away and all there is for our attachment to rest upon is Christ. How much better off we shall be...

Ah the Margaret Fuller paper is completed and out my hands. Mrs. G- I'll print or email you a copy per your request back when :-)

Tonight was a good night helping babysit the S..... kidos, laughing at youtube videos and eating ice cream and animal cookies.

drum roll please

Tomorrow... betting my bottom dollar there'll be sun.
I'm off to lend my hands to pack and seal boxes. Using the little tape thing is fun.

there's an end somewhere; at some point we'll have to have finished packing everything... everything will be in the darkness of a closed box. it's just not quite in sight yet.

:-]

Still we will follow; No turning back, no turning back...

Post of Little Consequence

but music with a message of importance-

I like.

It's the last week. The days are passing and outside of the multitude of boxes and empty drawers and closets, life remains seemingly the same. Each day is different, yet they all seem in reflection mushed together in similiarity.

ooh. thought not mentioned before. parts of this post as well as a poem were printed in the homeschool diploma program's magazine I belong to/receive. It brought a smile to see something I wrote chosen... brightened my day.

Cherish

The week we closed on the new house, we spent Wednesday, Thursday and Friday at the house as family. Dad's workers were painting. Amid attempting to keep David's desire to help actually profitable, choosing, checking and creating paint colors, and multiple here or there distractions, I knew school had to get done. I made my way around the house, finding a spot that remained quiet for an increment of time until I relocated somewhere else. It was a good time. It was an odd feeling spending all day at the new house to come home, park in the driveway, open the garage door and walking into this house to watch some TV or finish school, send some emails, talk about the new house and go to bed.

This week's had a different face.
The whole family has been at the new house but me for this first half. I've spent the days at this house on my own with only the quiet as company. Occasionally blasting music, making a batch of cornbread muffins, delighting in my surroundings. Thinking about family birthday parties, the time I had my birthday in August just because I liked the idea. the running circles through the halls, the playing dress up for all the neighbors to see in the summer in the backyard. lighting Hanukah candles in our homemade menorahs on the fireplace while we had a Christmas tree up. ha. wow. God's grace. being baptized in the pool in the freezing cold September or was it early October even? Filming the boat scene of Princess Bride in a raft in the pool, the night my uncle was saved in the backroom, attempting to play hymns for Bible study in the backroom led by Dad- holy months. the Christmas joy. Remembering the faces of the people who we have had to priviledge to laugh with, pray with, do math with, eat with here. Seasons of life that have past and yet are treasured went through my brain over and over... vignettes. sepia. uncaptured memories... in between pouring over American Narrative History and Chemistry of course.

I dont know what scholarly conclusion to draw from it all. I just know my life has been spent here. The amount of love and time... I hope the love continues and God's work remains within these walls. So much is represented by them for me, for us.

Hmm... maybe sometime soon I'll post about something in life at the moment other than the house, like my birthday. Still have a post from the camping trip in draft... :-P

_
Highly Recommended Movie:Freedom Writers

Three Things

Life this week, specifically today, felt similar to riding on a train with it's brakes out for the count.

I like..

school note- At the end of a rough week, I can still say that my dominant subject [AP USH] is going well are as the rest of my subjects. In English, there's a possibility, to use the teacher's words, I "will die or wish I had by the time it's over," but it hasnt come to that yet. PSATs were an experience; one that I doubt I'll ever forget. What a distinct way to remember the neighborhood as within days we leave it...

Oh the Modge Podge that is the Life Described

After a lovely lunch at Eat n Park as well as a stop at the new house, came home. checked the answering machine. I had been sleeping in the car on the way home. I entered the livingroom and laid down on the couch. couldnt help thinking of Mr. H's reference to being a couch potatoe in his message. There wasnt any present opportunity to serve around me, so I figured I was all clear.

;-)

Lying there, still sleepily calm, watching football and then parts of The Natural, I looked around me and thought.

I won't be here a month from now.

A matter of weeks and the way I've performed the simple things in my life up until now will be done in a completely different environment. A completely clean slate. Certain things will be lost, others, so much more relavant to today gained. A place ready for memories to be made within- yet not the home where so many have taken places. Innumerable.

There is going to be a day when we dont come back to this house again.

We will visit our family who live two, four streets away and our neighbors next door. But this house will not be ours. It will no longer hold our things or us; instead someone else will fill it. I'm sure at some point that will cease to seem odd to us, but right now I think we're all unable to grasp it being anything but.

This is post is based upon sentiment, yes. But I know that there are lessons here that are becoming a part of "the fabric of my [and each member of the family's] life" to reference Mr. P.

On the brain
a. the houses. duh.
b. the items I daily discover would be convenient which are located a box, below many others stacked
c. this week's schoolload=much. PSATs are Wednesday. Rejoice in the Lord always...
d. how amazing to be placed all the way out where the new house sits. farther than I'd ever think, yet everything around seems to show that we should be there

Other notes-
cancelation due to a powerline- how bizarre...and pleasing due to the situation
cho mein noodles are ah! a favorite. they were before Saturday, but after Saturday they became even more so
the color of green tea [authentic] is perceived as a nice one by my eyes and brain

I have an ongoing thesis that certain foreign countries have much better food, fashion, cars, and cities than Americans. It seems to come up often when I find myself preferring something not a part or disliking something that is the culture surrounding me. It's accuracy has yet to be decided.

Got this in the mail today.

One week exactly until 16 becomes the age I write down when I sign a form.

I remember meeting several people on the tenth anniversary Sunday while sitting in the third or so row waiting for the after-church festivity to begin...the top ten lists... I remember how much we as a family desired to be a part of the church body specifically after that Sunday, one year ago today. I cant help go over in my mind the large events and zoom into the smaller moments I attempt to recall, all in such a seemingly short time.

The Word of the Day. The Year. of Life itself- Grace.

grace unmeasured vast and free

Separation

An unfamiliar man in a blue car pulled up in front of our house on Sunday. Sitting on the porch enjoying the company of friends I soon stated that I didnt like him. I didnt know him. What I did know was that he was showing interesting in our house, and that I didnt like.

God placed me in a conversation last youth group that prepared me and even enabled me to ask for prayer- that God would now work now in the process of selling our home. Kevin and I were baptized in our pool. My dad and members of our family were saved in the living room. We struggled in not celebrating Christmas and we joyous celebrated in the back room. I see the grace that has been poured out in our family as a whole and in my own heart over buying and growing to love a new house. Now I see an area that is in need of grace- letting go and leaving this one.

Being in the middle, straddling the change is both fun and frustrating. I'm still enveloped in comfort here but get to be adventurous in my anticipation of the new. The phrase "after we've moved" is prevalent in conversation. Patience is involved with that bigtime.

Oh what a good day Sunday was! A talk with a friend also dealing with housestuff reminded me of truth. When God takes something away, it is to replace it with something He knows is of the utmost good. But that something must be taken away for it to be replaced. It's a simple scientific principle- two things cannot occupy the same space. God meets us right where we are and knows our weakness even while we are yet blind to it. That afternoon I faced the man in the blue car. I didnt handle it well; rather dismally actually. But that's the stop in which I am trusting that I will be met and where grace will be poured out.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.
-Job 1:21

Musings

Today my alarm on my cell phone went off at 7am and I thought "why's that thing going off, it's Saturday." All week I've been a day ahead of myself.

A moment ago while standing in the kitchen filling my water bottle a light bulb lit up in my head and I recognized that my mental incapability to remember what day it was, this week was a means of grace from God. I've been thinking I have one less school/week day to complete everything than I really do, and so somehow a really great amount of work has gotten done in comparison with the amount of mixedupness in the house.

This week our house has undergone a major transformation. New paint, clear walls and shelves. All the rooms echo because they're so close to empty. It will start to be available to be shown as of Monday. I've done schoolwork with a house full of Dad's workers painting away. My dad has picked up alot of "slack" for my mom, Kevin and I because we've been tied down with school. Interesting concept- homeschoolers being tied down by their work. I spent afternoons and nights backing my bedroom except for those things I'll need- that's a huge deal folks. My room had the most stuff of any room outside of the basement. While I did that my parents cleared the living room and the other bedrooms. And yet, this has been the best week thus far as far as my APUSH assignments getting done. Hopefully the grades will reflect that. My chemistry's another story...but I'm trying to dwell on the positive here ;-]

Speaking of the positive and changing the subject slightly, last night I was instructed to make a list of all the positive things about moving, to think happy thoughts:
"For every one good thing my mind comes back with three things that are negative."
"Acknowledge them, but don't dwell on them. Dwell on the good."

Philipians 4:4-9

I'm excited to have a new house. But I'm not excited to give up and move away from the old one and the life I've had here. When my heart asks why, when things dont make sense- I fall back upon His sovereign will for my life and take courage that His work is good. I'm reminded that God has a purpose in taking me away from here and planting me somewhere new. I'm waiting on Him. He did it two and a half years ago and He's doing it again. He was faithful beyond measure to walk with me then and He will be now.

My life is changing. But my God has and will not.
In that I can find joy and peace - better than excitement- unavailable anywhere else in the world.

post in the works about the camping trip. it currently has a happy home in the draft section =]